So, I quit homeschooling today...

Rarely do I ever get to the point of such frustration that I want to throw in the towel. Rarely. Today is a rare occasion. I actually decided that I was going to stop homeschooling. I'd had enough. I was done. Finished. After explaining the same thing 9 times to the very child that I'm doing this for the most, and after 9 times of her telling me that she understood the directions but wouldn't work on her assignment, I simply quit. I had a meltdown moment, and quit. Tapped out. Raised a white flag. Threw my hands up. Walked away from. Bowed out of. Quit. The words, "I quit", actually came out of my mouth. I believe it went like this..."That's it. I quit! I'm done. Figure it out yourself. Public school, here we come. I'M QUITTING." And then I stormed down the stairs.

Wow...nice tantrum you threw there right in front of your kids.

I sat in my room and had a nice cry for about three minutes, and then I came back upstairs. You could have heard a pin drop. I think to myself, "Wow...that tantrum really worked! Alright! I got this! I'm not quitting! EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!!"

Wrong.

I'd been hoodwinked.

The instructions for the most simple of tasks had gone in one ear and out the other. No work had been done. I started to get frustrated again, only in a softer voice, and then she says, "Well, I didn't understand." 

Light-bulb

She didn't understand. She told me she understood 9 times. But she really didn't. And that's ok. It's more than ok, because anywhere else, she wouldn't get a 10th time to try and understand. Maybe not even a 4th or 5th. Things would just move on because they had to move on. Here, in our home, she can take the time that she needs. Sometimes, as the person who is one of her biggest advocates and the one that loves her most in this world, it's hard to remember that. Just because she can remember an entire movie, front to back, and answer every trivia question about that move ever asked, doesn't mean that she gets putting long words in alphabetical order. Oh precious girl. If you'd just tell mommy that you don't get it, mommy wouldn't think you're trying to get out of your studies. But, sometimes, she doesn't understand how to communicate that either. And that, too, is ok. 

I don't expect them to "walk up all those stairs" every day and things always be pinterest perfect for any of us. We are all still fairly new to this whole homeschool thing even though it's our second year. We didn't start out doing it from the beginning, and we certainly aren't going to be perfect. I guess that's the beauty of it though. Trial and error. We can try as many times as we need to until our errors are minimum, and if that means spending a little more time on something, then so be it. 

I want all three girls to enjoy this experience and they can't do that if I'm frustrated constantly with what they are or aren't doing. I expect them to complete their work, but I need to remember that we're not homeschooling so we can model ourselves after public schools. We are doing this so they will get one on one time with their teacher, so they don't have to be rushed and feel inadequate if they don't understand something, and so I can enjoy them for as long as possible, by picking up and doing what we want, when we want. 

In closing, I'd like to state that I only quit for a few minutes. Never will I ever quit doing what I feel like we're supposed to be doing for our girls. It's not always going to be easy, as today proved, but the vast majority of the time, I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way.